The Scariest Feeling...

My baby sister and me. circa 1993

Over breakfast, I was texting with a friend as she was describing to me her account of panic this morning. Her 4 year old was missing from his bed when she went to check on him in the morning. After frantically searching the house, he was discovered (with a smile) hiding behind his bedroom door.

Unfortunately, I know her exact feeling all too well. I was seriously surprised when she told me it was her first time feeling that anxiety.

I've felt it many times as a parent, and even as a big sister.

It's definitely the scariest feeling ever, to think that you have lost a child and your mind goes straight to worst case scenario.

Her dilemma lasted a minute and a half.

I shared 2 different stories with her involving Riley (the wandering child) and one about my little sister, Lala that lasted much longer than a minute and a half.

A long long time ago, when my sister was about Zoie's age, my family and I went on a Thanksgiving weekend trip to the beach. At the hotel, my parents sent me and my two sisters down the hall to fetch a pail of ice. I was about 13 years old, so I should have been able to handle the task. We got to the ice machine, no problem, and as my other sister and I were figuring the machine out, I turned around to see where Lala was. She was in the elevator (!!) and before I could reach her to get her out of the elevator, the doors had closed and she was gone. I'm pretty sure she waved to me... I had lost my little sister in an elevator, she was too little to even know her name, it was my fault and she was gone.

I was panicking so much, I can't really remember exactly what I did to look for her, I just remember not having any luck so we had to run and tell my parents. I could tell that my Mom's initial reaction was the same as mine (panic), but all I could think was (1) that she was going to kill me and (2) that I deserved it.

It felt like an eternity, but it must have easily been about 10 minutes before we were in the lobby and a maid was carrying my sister to the front desk. Somehow, that elevator was en route to the maid floor and luckily she was greeted by a kindly maid and not some freaky child abductor like I had imagined (remember: worst case scenario).

Now that I think back on it, the panic I had felt is just the same as the panic I feel when my own  child goes missing for a moment on the playground. Except for now, I can't imagine my heart being able to handle those feelings for a whole 10 minutes.

We, as parents try to keep our children safe and sound while out and about, even to the point of locking them in strollers and carts, against their very vocal protests otherwise. We tuck them in their beds at night and pray that in the morning we will see their smiling faces, in the backs of our heads remembering scary stories we read about or heard on the news. We try so hard to be careful and avoid scary situations involving our children, but even in our homes the panic can strike.

One thing I realized today, is just how much courage it takes to be a parent. Because losing them, for just a moment makes you almost pee your pants in fear. It's scarier than any zombie, psycho killer or Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. I never have considered myself a brave person until my realization today.

Gratefully, everyone has ended up happy and safe in my experiences.

My point to this scary story is this...
 Parents, you can add COURAGE to your long list of virtues.
xo

<3, Tabi :D

You know you make a great parenting team when...

A hot little couple turned A rocking parenting team.

... last night, we went through the usual bedtime routine and 3 kids were snuggling down to slumber town. Then the coughing started. I was laying on the couch settling Zoie, Christopher was in the Bear's room, settling a wiggly Bear and Roxy was in her bed coughing up a storm.

Step 1: We told Roxy to go get a glass of water.

Water didn't help.

Step 2: I <quietly> yell out to Christopher to turn the humidifier on in the girls' room.

Humidifier didn't seem to do the trick, either.

Step 3: Both of us get up, Chris instinctively grabs the baby Vick's. I go for a spoonful of honey, followed by a teaspoon of this magic stuff.

15 minutes later, Roxy is drifting away to dreamland, coughing subsided. Her parents are quietly high fiving in the living room.

Yup. We rock at this parenting gig.

<3, Tabi :D

My look today styled by Zoie.

Parenting and Censorship

One of the hardest things for me as a parent is trying not to impose my likes and dislikes onto my children. Just because I kind of hate baseball, doesn't mean I want my children to hate baseball.

I don't want mini-me's. I want to discover my kids' personalities along with them.

I do find myself from time to time (and a lot of parents do this - don't pretend you don't), when talking to the kids and giving them a choice between two items, putting a positive inflection on what I want them to choose, and a negative tone on what I wouldn't choose.

i.e. Would you like flatbread pizza for lunch ( smiley face )? Or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ( frowny face )?

i.e. #2 Do you want to wear this pink dress ( smiley face )? Or this mermaid t-shirt ( frowny face )?
NOTE: That mermaid t-shirt that used to be her all time favorite but now is getting raggedy, kind of short and has a few unsightly stains...

I'm working on that. Christopher catches me all the time.

I like to keep an open policy on shows, movies and books my children watch/read (as long as it's age appropriate and doesn't give them nightmares).  I've encouraged things they seem to get into and find it exciting to discover new things and rediscover old things from my childhood as well.

For example, we watched Ponyo a couple years back, and since then they've been into many Studio Ghibli films and even some (age appropriate, of course) anime on Netflix. I would have never suggested watching Princess Tutu before... even Pokemon is out of my range of comprehension. But Princess Tutu was very intriguing, a beautiful story and inspired many afternoons of dancing around and dramatics involving ducks.

But, I've found lately, I've had to draw the line on a few shows. We don't watch much TV and what we do watch is usually something they've found streaming on Netflix. One that sticks out is Bratz shows/movies. I've even only caught short snippets of this show and decided this is something I definitely don't want my kids watching. Those Bratz girls on the show really are brats and so superficial. I don't want my sweet little children acting like that.

Great, now I sound like one of those Moms...

And then yesterday, Christopher mentioned something about Pucca (another one of their lately favorite shows to watch) portraying Americans in a negative light. This somehow didn't bother me much, but it did him.

I'm wondering, am I... are we turning into those kinds of parents? The parents that censor their children from the really cool and popular things? Is this the beginnings of us turning our children into social outcasts?

Please leave me your feedback. 

I'd love to know where other parents draw the line in their censorship. 

 

<3, Tabi :D

 

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Goal for the Week: Quit Yelling!!!

I've been a Mom for almost 6 years now. I've been a StepMom for over 9 years. But I've been a SAHM Mom for only 16 and a half months. Sometimes I feel like I'm playing catch up in the whole Mom training.

I've pretty much got the whole laundry, cooking, bathing, cleaning thing under control. What I need to work on - my focus starting right now is to QUIT YELLING!!!

I hate that I'm a yeller. When it comes to discipline, I've never been a spanker. We do time outs. But I do lose it and yell. In my book, this is almost as bad as spanking. Starting right now, no more yelling.

I read a few articles on this. Here are a couple of good ones:

• How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids This is a good one because it reminds me why yelling is bad. Bad for me (the parent) and bad for the children. My biggest thing about yelling is that it always makes me feel so horrible because they really don't deserve it.
  
  
•  10 Ways to Stop Yelling I like this one because it offers specific tips on how to stop.

If I can quit this super bad habit, I know my house will be a happier place. I will be a happier Mom, and kids will hopefully learn to not yell back and not grow up to yell at their kids.

I am Tabi and this is my goal. Anyone reading this have any tips/suggestions for me?

<3, Tabi :D