Saying Goodbye to Lilly

Roxy sending balloons, a paper flower and a picture to Lilly up in Heaven

Children amaze me every day.

This morning, my husband and I sat Roxy down to tell her about her friend Lilly that was taken from this world way too early and just plain unfairly. When these things happen, there are so many many questions that we as grown ups, as parents have. Most of the time, we don't have all the answers. It's a very delicate and difficult thing for us to even comprehend, much less try and explain to our young children.

We decided it was best to keep it simple, and answer any questions she asked truthfully and honestly.

"Roxy, your friend Lilly was in a bad car accident a couple of days ago and she died."

Chris added, "The car accident hurt her very badly and the doctors could not fix her body."

Roxy got very quiet, hid her face for a few minutes.

I wanted to hug her and cry with her (I was crying, Chris was, she was not). She is such a brave kid. The kind of brave kid that hates shots, but does not cry when she gets them. She sucks it in.

"Do you have any questions?"

She only had one. "How do you know that?"

"I talked to her Mommy."

I let her know it's okay to be sad. I let her know it is a very sad thing. I let her know that her Daddy and I were very sad about it. She is trying to make vague funny faces at me like she always does when she is trying to make me feel better. But I can tell she is also trying to make herself feel better. It's her coping mechanism.

We talked about doing something for Lilly. I told her that now that she isn't in this world anymore, she is an angel and went to heaven. And like God, she can talk to her whenever she wants to. I ask her if she wants to draw her a picture or write her a letter. So we sat down and she started drawing a picture of Lilly as an angel. It's a beautiful picture. At the top, she writes "Lilly I Love You"

Lilly Mills, Angel

Then her Daddy sits down next to her and they make some paper flowers for Lilly. He looked up instructions on the internet. Roxy made this one and I think it came out perfect.

Roxy and her paper rose for Lilly

So we all get dressed, buy 4 balloons from the store and go to the playground at the school where they played together so many afternoons to send the balloons up to heaven.

 

I was so afraid they wouldn't make it. They seemed to stop and hesitate a little and came very close to one of the trees. I said a little prayer, and they floated up up up, past the trees and en route to heaven.

It was beautiful. 

Roxy told Christopher, "Daddy, Lilly is in heaven and she gets to meet God. That is so cool!" 

It's amazing. She knows in the end, Lilly is okay. I can tell she is sure of it. 

My heart is breaking for the loss of an innocent child. For all those years on earth she didn't get to experience. For Lilly's Mom and Dad and their beautiful young family being broken in a million pieces. 

But telling Roxy today and seeing in her face that piece of her that knows Lilly is okay - gives me some peace tonight. She told me tonight that even though Lilly is not in this world anymore, she is an angel, and angels are alive and not dead.

Lilly Mills, angel - I hope you got your balloons and they arrived okay. Did the flower make it?