It happened a year ago today...

It happened a year ago today...

... a terrible accident occurred, that could have been prevented.  In a split second, the lives of so many were effected and left to deal with a tragic loss. Lilly left us July 2nd, 2011.

I have a lump in my throat typing this up.

One year ago today, I learned so much. I learned that life is precious. I learned that we are not, in fact, invincible and that bad things do happen to good people sometimes. 

Life is beautiful, but not fair.

I learned that no matter how hard we try to protect our children, their safety is not always in our hands. We have a lot less control than we think we do.

I learned to focus on what's important: the people I love and care about. The rest... the rest is just stuff.

I learned that I can learn a lot from a 5 year old. My own daughter has proved to me that there is something more. I saw tiny miracles happen and I will never forget them.

I learned that a years' time doesn't lessen the pain.

I learned that there is magic in this world. I know that rainbows, dragonflies, butterflies and even frogs are all in on it.

Please keep Lilly's family in your prayers today. To try and imagine that pain is too much for me to bear, prayers do help. The universe is listening.

<3, Tabi :D

 

Day 20: A Difficult Time in my Life

Roxy took this photo of Lilly's gravestone the night of Lilly's birthday celebration.

I've always been so grateful for the beautiful things in my life and the things that seem to come so easy to me. I was born into the most loving, supportive family. I seemed to stumble into the most perfect marriage a girl could dream of. I've had 3 enjoyable, totally healthy pregnancies and given birth 3 times with no issue. These are the things that are most important to me and they have all come without any difficulty whatsoever. I thank the universe for these things every single night. 

So... I have to say, the first thing that comes up in my head at this prompt for 'A Difficult Time in my Life' was last summer when I had to explain to my then 5 year old that her BFF had died in a car crash.

Lilly was an angel of a little girl that had immediately clicked with my daughter Roxy, when they both started Pre-K together. Throughout the school year, we had many play dates and I had even come to make a new friend in Lilly's mother, Sam.  

You can read about when I learned of Lilly's death here.

About a week or two before that terrible accident, Roxy and I were having an innocent conversation at the dinner table, and somehow it led to a subject that hit her like a ton of bricks. That she, herself, one day would die. I could literally see the realization sweep through her body and she went into panic attack mode. Her panic was so familiar to me, much like I have done so many times. I was racking my brain trying to think of the right things to say to her to make her feel better. I told her she was young and healthy and she wouldn't have to worry about dying for a very long time. Our family is not a religious family, in fact, the only time Roxy had ever been in a church was when she was the flower girl at Chris' cousin Wade's wedding. But I did tell her about God and Heaven and that if she was scared about anything, she could talk to God and he will make her feel better.

I saw her close her eyes and move her lips for about a minute. And then she was giggly.

She had gone from freaked out/panic attack mode to giggly in less than 2 minutes, from talking to 'God'. My own faith grew a bunch that day.

Fast forward to Lilly's death. I, myself, was in mourning and couldn't possibly think about telling Roxy after reassuring her weeks ago she wouldn't have to think about death for a long long time. After a few days, I decided it was the right thing to do. She had to know. This was her first friend, her closest peer, her BFF, I couldn't keep such a secret from her and I think she deserved closure. So I told her. This was the hardest thing I ever had to do up until this point. You can read about Roxy's reaction in more detail here.

So, I thought the hard part was over. But the funeral (more detail, here) was by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Seeing Lilly's Mom, Sam for the first time since the accident and hugging her, I swear I could feel some of her pain oozing from her soul.

Yup. That was a very difficult time in my life. It still hurts a lot to this day, too.

Read some more difficult times (from other bloggers) here.

<3, Tabi :D

My Weekend Had a Theme

Warning: this is not very Happy.

On Saturday, Roxy, Chris and I were honored to attend a small birthday celebration. There were balloons, cupcakes and beautiful gifts.

Roxy and her pink cupcake

The guest of honor, unfortunately could not physically be there to celebrate what would have been her 6th birthday. She was taken away from us six months before she could reach this milestone by a drunk driver. (You can read what I wrote about Lilly's story here and here and here.) Lilly's family is doing such a beautiful job honoring her and keeping her love alive.

Lanterns were released in her honor. Her 5th birthday party paid tribute to her love for Rapunzel, and if you've seen the movie Tangled, you know that lanterns lit up the night sky every year on Rapunzel's birthday.

Saturday night was beautiful, poetic and very healthy for the soul.

I wasn't going to blog about this, because it's really not my story to tell, but with the events of last night... if this post hits home to just one person to think twice about drinking and then sitting behind the wheel of a car... then it's worth it.

...

I grew up in a rather large network of Aunts, Uncles and cousins. My Mom was one of 7 children, so you can imagine. My memory is not very good (one of the reasons I started this blog was to record precious memories before they became too foggy), but I will never forget those many weekend afternoons running around my Nanny and Pappy's backyard playing with all my cousins. We were a close family. A lot of us even danced together, in a group called the Guys and Dolls Cloggers. (Now that's something I don't say out loud often.)

One of my cousins, Paul S. Burnett II lost his life last night in an accident where "alcohol was a contributing circumstance to the collision". Pauly was my age, a loving husband and father to three children.

I admit that when I moved millions of miles away from home when I was 19, I sadly lost touch with my cousins I was once so close to. I haven't seen Pauly since I was a teenager. Nevertheless, he and every one of my cousins will always hold a special place in my heart. Cousins are our very first non-sibling friends forever.

My heart is breaking for my family back home. Pauly's wife and his children. His Mom, his sister and brother. I loathe the distance between here and home today. My love and support goes out to all hurting today from afar.

You can read about the accident here.

Please don't drink and drive. Think about the innocent victims of these tragedies.
There is always a safer way to get from point A to point B.

<3, Tabi :D